It has been a while since I last wrote a blog post and I apologise profusely for that! As we all know, everyday life can certainly get in the way of productivity, although I am guilty of being a procrastinator at the best of times, let alone when there really doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day already!

Andrew will tell you all, I am a great lover of LISTS, (admittedly most of which are indecipherable to most normal human beings) but to me, they make a large task much more appealing to tackle in my opinion.

Let me ask you this… are you a person who forgets to write a task on said list, completes it and then adds it to the list to have the pure satisfaction of crossing it off? I AM! It may sound like utter madness I know (particularly to those reading this that are certainly not the type of person to do this (or admit it in public anyway!) however, my sole justification on this practice is that you are able to stand back at the end of the day and still see what you have achieved, no matter how small.

Often, the lovely families that we look after daily, all remark the same words ‘there is so much to do, I just don’t know where to start’ and this is so incredibly understandable when dealing with the loss of a loved one. Dealing with grief is hard enough for anyone, let alone the aftermath of practical and paperwork tasks that are associated with a persons passing. 

Admittedly there may be a large family or group of friends around that will all rally around to assist in tasks which often helps but more often than not, a person can still feel extremely alone and overwhelmed. We try our hardest here at Markham Funeral Service to alleviate as much stress as we possibly can do when making funeral arrangements for your loved one, but more than that, we are here to support you in any way we can. 

Having been in the Funeral Industry for many years, both Andrew and Myself have an excellent understanding of practical and administrative next steps to complete when a loved one passes away to help advise families with, however we are by no means ‘the oracle of all knowledge’ and are more than happy to ring colleagues or other professionals in order to ask for advice when needed. Everyone needs help, there is no shame in asking for it!!!!! One particular fellow Funeral Director friend of ours will probably chuckle if he reads this as I am sure when my phone number shows up on caller ID he probably sighs and thinks ‘whatever now?!’ but I am eternally grateful for support received when needed and will return this wherever I can.

This is where my wonderful love of ‘list writing’ can come in handy! Taking major tasks and breaking them down to tiny pieces can really help…I promise you! For Example:

A major task to complete could be Registering The Death Of a Loved One. Which on its own can be a big task to look at, however I would do the following and break it down, and tick every single point when it is completed:

Register the Death of a loved one

- Ask your funeral director if the medical cause of death information has been sent to the registrars (you are most welcome to call your loved ones GP instead if you wish however we will happily chase this information for you to save you being on the end of a phone line que for the Surgery)
- Check my diary of the next working week to see if there are any mornings or afternoons free to attend an appointment
- Note available times
- Check where the registrar’s office is
- Check travel time to said office
- Go onto the internet
- Type in Register a Death Suffolk in a google search engine or similar
- Follow Link on the website
- Fill in details of loved one
- Book an appointment
- Note down paperwork and documents required for the appointment
- Attend the appointment
- Receive Death Certificates as required

Little tasks like above may seem silly to write down, however it ensures that nothing is missed and also shows you that you have done amazing and managed to achieve a lot!!!!!! Equally on that front though, please do not feel ashamed, EVER if things are a little too daunting and you really do not feel like doing anything! That is absolutely fine, allow yourself time, there is no rush when it comes to grief. I often tell families to use us as needed, we are a listening ear, 24 hours a day! We genuinely mean this, and it is not unusual for us to be called at 3am by a family member for some advice or even just a general chit chat whilst they have a cup of tea as they cannot sleep. This is ABSOLUTELY FINE and what we are here for!!!! Andrew will laugh at that statement when he reads it, as normally I do have to apologise for the first couple of minutes conversation whilst I wake up properly (I’m a deep sleeper but it makes people giggle at least!).

So, to all those out there, reading this blog, please be kind to yourself, write a list, and please remember it is nothing to be embarrassed about if you feel like a hero for crossing off one task on the list…. because that’s exactly what you are.

Happy list writing
Nikki x